2013 Where to Go From Here?

Goals for 2013?!?!?

 

I have never been one to do New Year's Resolutions because I have never fully completed them so I am hoping that I can just complete these goals for this year.  I have had a lot of time these last couple of days sitting here to think about them :)

 

1. My goal is to be healthier this year.  I have had a lot of health issues over the past several years but with surgery happening on January 9th I am hoping to be able to move forward.  I put on 70lbs since being on prednisone and with this surgery I will be able to get off this drug.  I am also hoping that I will be able to work out more and be more active without having to worry about my illness. 

 

2. I am hoping to be a more present and active father and husband.  This also goes along with number one but when I am sick I am not able to do the things with my family that I want because of fear of being sick.  I want to be outside playing with my children and family as much as possible and make sure that they have a good time spending time with me.  I want my children and wife to know every day that I love them and how lucky I am to have them in my life.

 

3. I want to be more of an advocate for Ulcerative Colitis and now having an Ostomy.  I have told my close friends and family about this illness and how it affects me but I would like to be able to help others who are going through this illness.  It can have a huge impact on the individual but also the family, just ask Censie, I know she is done with this illness as well.  I think that we often times do not talk about this illness because of what we have to talk about but we have to spread the awareness of it so that is more accepted and understood.

 

4.  I want to read more.  I have a Kindle and have started reading again while in the hospital and I really want to keep reading more.  I want my children to share in the love of reading, Jude already loves books but this was something that I didn't do enough as a child.  I want them to see that it is important and enjoy a good book!

 

5.  I want to gain control of my anxiety and depression.  This has been something that has been a challenge for me.  I am seeing a therapist about it but I need to be able to gain person control of it.  I continue to worry about everything and beat myself up about things.  Also when this happens I shut down, right Censie?  I need to be better about understanding it and managing it so that I control it and it does not control me. 

 

6. I want to try and do more things that I want to do.  I want to start playing my guitar more, it takes practice but I never play it but really want to be able to play the guitar more.  I also want to start cooking more. This is something that I enjoy and I do have a interest in I just never do it or never try anything.  I want to try and commit to doing these things more often

Well this is my start to what I want go accomplish in 2013 and I hope to continue to add more and cross some things off as well.  Most importantly I want this year to be about my family and enjoying spending time with each other every day and knowing that we love each other fully each and every day as well.  Good luck to everyone else in 2013.

 

 

 

 



2012 What A Year!

2012 You Win!

 

I have been sitting here for the past couple of days thinking about how do I write a creative post for my first review of a past year  I have read over many blogs and have seen how many people have done their review, but I want to try and be somewhat original in my post.  I am still working on trying to find my blogging voice as many have said but I just started this blog fully a couple of months ago so I think that it will be coming so watch out!

 

 

This year has definitely been filled with its ups and downs.  We found out earlier this year that we were expecting our second child, as you know this was a huge point of excitement for Censie and I.  The pregnancy was not easy by any means but we welcomed Teagan on 10/20/12 and she is a beauty.  I consider myself very blessed to be the father to two wonderful children.  Now next years blog could be about the challenges of having two children and all that those things mean.

 

Jude had a good year, even had his first broken bone.  Have to love how kids want to put their fingers in doors.   The way that Jude is I have a feeling that we will probably be at the doctors for these types of things in the past.  He is pure boy and likes to be rough and tumble.  We celebrate his second birthday with a train themed birthday party, he loves his "Choo-Choos".  We were lucky enough to have my parents come out for the birthday party and Jude loved having both of his Grrrrmama's and Pa's at his birthday party.

 

Sadly we lost my Papa three days before Teagan was born.  This was a difficult and trying time for me. I was very saddened by the lost of my Papa but then also taking in the excitement of my daughter being born.  We knew that he had been sick for quite some time, but as everyone knows it does not make the passing any easier.  I continue to miss him and wish that he could have been here longer but know that he is watching over my family and I an is no longer in pain.

 

The last couple of months of this year as you can tell kicked our family's butt.  We had the death, the birth, the funeral, then Censie got sick and needed surgery, then I got sick and ended up in the hospital.  Censie's surgery went well and she was able to recover but during that time my Ulcerative Colitis flared up and I ended up in the hospital again.  We decided to move forward with the surgery option at this point for my Ulcerative Colitis and had a plan and were hoping to make it through the Holidays.  We made it to the 27th and then I ended up in the hospital again that is where this great post is being written from. 

 

This year has been very tough for health but the good news is that it seems like we will be starting 2013 moving forward.  I will be having a total proctocolectemy on January 9th.  Now I know that this is going to have its challenges because I will have a permanent Ostomy, a "Crap" bag as Censie calls it.  I am ready for these challenges and am ready to be healing and not just trying to maintain without any success.  This illness has run my life for the last three years and I am ready to grab life back and take it and run.

 

I am so excited for this upcoming year of hopefully good health and being able to have a life again.  Censie and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year, it is amazing!  We are trying to find something special to do.  I am hoping that we will be able to go up to the mountains more this summer with the family so that I can go fishing with Jude and teach him about my love of fishing.  I am excited to see my family grow and the children grow upand be more active with us.  I have a lot to smile about despite some of the low points of this year.  I hope that everyone has an amazing new year and a great 2013!!

 

 

 



Seriously?!?!?!?!?!

DAMN YOU ULCERATIVE COLITIS!!!!

 

So I made it out of the hospital through Christmas!  I was able to be there in the morning and see Jude's face as he opened his presents and then the awe and wonder of Santa and his fish tank.  I am thankful for that moment.  Sadly though I didn't make it long past that.

 

We were able to go get more fish for his fish tank last night, you know Santa told me he could go get more fish, and we got them all set up and they are doing well.  However 20 days after being discharged from the hospital I am back here again.  I had been struggling off and on since being discharged but was looking forward to having my surgery consult on the 2nd.  I started bleeding again and having a lot of urgency, which led to me having two accidents.  Yes that is where we are at, I have no control of my body which sucks ass literally! 

 

They told me that they felt that it was the best idea for me to come in to the Emergency Room so I did and now am admitted to the hospital again.  We are talking in the morning about the surgery and what we are going to do.  The scary things for me is I am afraid to be discharged again because I don't know how long I am going to make it through.  I just don't know but hopefully we can come up with a plan because I cannot live like this.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!  I will keep everyone updated!

John, Paul, George and Ringo!

I am just going to go ahead and put it out there The Beatles are the best band ever!!!! 

 

The Beatles were formed in 1957 but even here in 2012 they play a huge role in my life and the band and music are things that I hold very close to my heart.  I remember listening to my father's old vinyl records and being complete enthralled with the music.  As soon as I was able to get him to change the radio station we would listen to "Breakfast with the Beatles" as we would drive to church on Sundays.  Now besides baseball this was something that I was able to have a close connection with my father with. 

 

So how much did the band play a role in my life at this point.  Our two year old son is Jude, and yes he is named after the song "Hey Jude."  The only time that someone thinks different is when talking to my old Pastor and he puts out that it is also one of the twelve apostles and is referred to as Jude the brother of Jesus.  Sure if he wants to go with that then who am I to step in but it is definitely from the song (Shh don't tell him, good thing he doesn't read my blog :)  I am very proud of this because it is something that we hold very close and we share together.   

 

If you have ever spent any time with me you know that I have a huge love for music.  I am constantly listening to music in my car, at work, and at home as much as I can.  I am a huge fan of classic rock and have shared this love of music with my son Jude.  It is something that we have been able to bond over and share a love for. 

 

My wife recently took Jude to a library reading time and they sang some classic child songs.  Now don't get me wrong they all are great and Jude does love doing the "Hokey Pokey" and also "Head, Shoulder. Knees and Toes" but he also loves listening to music with mommy and daddy.  Censie posted something on facebook questioning on whether or not we should be teaching him more kids songs or continuing to share or love of music with him. Most people agreed that we should continue to foster he love for all different types of music, YAY US!!!!! Now Jude is only two years old but today on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's he sang the first minute and a half of "Hey Jude" almost word for word.  My heart jumps for joy as I hear him singing in the back seat.  He knows that this is "His Song" as he says it.  Maybe someday I will tell him about the true story of the song. 

 

After partaking in "Hey Jude" we proceeded to listen/sing "Yellow Submarine".  Again my heart is just beaming with joy that we can share this time together.  I am glad that Jude enjoys music and has already started picking up the melody and the differences in the music as well.  I feel that there is a complexity in The Beatles music with all their different styles and sounds.  Jude also at this point can tell you who is in The Beatles and what instrument they play.  He will assign you instruments to play while singing the songs with him,.  He likes to play the guitar and piano, he really likes playing the piano with his grandma.  I am so thankful that he enjoys music, I am not going to force what music he has to listen to but I do want him to enjoy music.  I feel that listening to music is a great stress relief and provides individuals with a deep connection with something. 

 

So maybe I am not teaching him all the traditional child songs, I will be working on that so that he does feel like he knows those songs but will continue to foster the love for music within him.  I feel that there is nothing wrong with it, at least it isn't country music right?  

You Know You're a Parent When.......

You know you're a parent when...

you voluntarily will put your hands out to catch another person's vomit!  I never thought that this would be something that I would ever do, nor did I ever have the desire to do. 

Last night after we had a fun time at Zoo Lights we went to go eat and Jude got sick while we were eating. He has done this before but he was able to start feeling better, or so he told us, and we made the mistake of allowing him to eat more.  Now Censie had been sick all Saturday with a stomach bug but we did not think that Jude was sick.  He ate some food and we left.

On our way home he started complaining that his stomach hurt.  I found a place to pull over but then he said that he was feeling better. We got going again trying to make it home as soon as possible, you know trying to prevent the puking in the car fiasco.  We made it about five more minutes and he said that his stomach hurt again. I pulled over and got a paper bag and tried to get him to aim in the bag.  FYI a paper bag and vomit do not work well seeing how vomit is mostly water!! 

Jude ended up getting sick and without any other options I cupped my hands and tried to catch as much of the vomit in my hands to prevent it from getting on him.  It was a pretty useless attempt but I do have to say it was an attempt to help out.  This again is something that I never thought I would do but as a parent sometimes you just have to open your hands and let your child vomit!  I guess I got my initiation into dealing with a sick toddler as well!  

I am completely shocked and saddened by the news coming out of Connecticut today.   I am continuously amazed at the violence in some people.  I have seen some people talking about mental health and gun control but I agree with everyone we need to focus on the fact that these were innocent children that were killed. 

 

My thoughts and prayers go out to the families and the community that are going to be affected by this for the rest of their lives.  Everyday I hear and see the unexplainable violence to children and cannot fathom the mindset to hurt a child.  I pray that everyone involved can have some peace.

 

I know that I will hold my children tighter today but it is a reminder that we should be holding them tight and close to our hearts everyday.  I will never allow a minute to go by where I Jude and Teagan do not know that I love them.  

I Can't Stop!

 

Damn you PREDNISONE!

 

If you have ever had the pleasure of being on prednisone you may understand this but I cannot stop eating!  I will eat and never be full despite how much I eat.  I have been on Prednisone for almost three years and it is the one side effect I am guaranteed to have!  Its a vicious cycle for me I eat because of the medicine but then I need the medicine because when I eat my body hates me!  So if you see me grazing and eating just remember its the steroids not just my amazing appetite!  Its going to be a fun Holiday Season for me with all the sweets!

Heck Yeah I Can Bake!

I Did It I Made Cookies!

 

 

For those of you that don't know me very well I am a huge fan of the food network but rarely do I ever try and make anything.  It is one of my joys with food though.  It is funny I get so much enjoyment out of food but because of Ulcerative Colitis my body hates food.  Its a vicious cycle!  I wanted to try and do something fun this Christmas season with Jude.  I thought it would be fun to make cookies at home. 

 

Now I know that I could have gone and got the frozen dough or I could have bought the packaged mix and just made it, BUT NO I decided that I was going to make cookies from SCRATCH! 

 

Thankfully Censie decided that this sounded like a good idea and gave me a shot.  I found the recipe online and then we bought the ingredients and I made the cookie dough.  Now I know these are just basic sugar cookies but don't rain on my parade.  I was thankful that the dough at least looked like cookie dough.  I always used to eat the cookie dough more then the cookies but I have refrained myself and made the Adult choice that raw egg may not be good for my stomach.  I hate growing up!

 

We then rolled them out and Jude helped cut them out and we baked our cookies then.  He had a blast picking out the shapes and cutting out the cookies, now he did keep trying to eat the dough but we got a lot of cookies made.  He had a blast going through and decorating them with frosting and putting sprinkles on them.  Needless to say we went straight to the bath after this.  I think he had a great time, it take a while, but it was a great memory to share with Censie and him of making cookies.  I hope that I can start to cook and bake more I really enjoyed it!  Merry Christmas!

 



Does Anyone Have a Map?

There are many times in life that I wish that it came with a Map on which to go.  This time is no different than others and I wish that I had a map more now than ever.  These last six weeks have been crazy busy and a lot has gone on, you can read about those in my other Update Post.  I am still in the hospital, this is only day three but if you have ever been in the hospital it feels like forever.  I hate when I don't look sick and start to feel better just have to stay in my room because I need to have Prednisone administered through IV so that I can feel better.

 

I have been in the hospital for a Ulcerative Colitis Flair.  I was having 18 bowel movements a day with quite a bit of bleeding.  I was trying to stay healthy so that I could take care of Censie after she had her surgery, but my body decided that it didn't want to allow that.  This has been something that has been a concern for my family the entire time that I have been dealing with this illness.  I finally got the call from my doctor that I needed to come into the hospital. 

 

After I came in they did another colonoscopy, this is number 11 in three years.  That is a lot but it could be worse but it is not something that I look forward to doing.  I had a flexible sigmoidoscopy in September, this is a colonoscopy but not as invasive, and it showed that I was healing.  During this check up it showed that I have moderate to severe Ulcerative Colitis throughout 2/3rds of my colon.  This shows that the medicine that I was on was not working and that it was not keeping my body out of a flair, which it should be.

 

So why do I want a map?  Censie, my family and I are going to be faced with a huge decision that is going to affect our family for the rest of our lives.  We have the possibility of trying one more medication.  This medication also comes with the possibility for a lot of negative side effects and my doctor has described it as a "Hail Mary" attempt at stopping my Ulcerative Colitis.  The other option which would cure my Ulcerative Colitis would be surgery.

There are two different options for surgery to take care of Ulcerative Colitis.  The first one would be a total colectomy which would remove my entire Colon and then they would give me a stoma with an ileostomy bag for the rest of my life.  If we go with this option it is not reversible.  This would be difficult as I would have to get use to having a bag for the rest of my life but would also cure all and I could move forward.

The second option would be to have them construct a J-Pouch which would be an internal pouch but would require two surgeries.  They have stated that I am younger and that I don't want to have an ostomy bag for the rest of my life but it is something to consider.  If I do the J-Pouch there is the possibility of developing Pouchitis and having to have that treated. There is also the possibility that it will fail and then they would have to do the ileostomy anyways.  Also if they do the J-Pouch you still have to go to the restroom 4-8 times per day, I know that is an improvement but still it would be difficult to have to deal with. 

I was going to post images but I figured that would be going to far.  So as you can see there are a lot of things that we have to think about and then hopefully make the right choice.  Please continue to keep my family in your thoughts and prayers as we make these decisions and I hope that the Map we decide to follow leads us to a great place!

UPDATE!
So I wrote this while I was in the hospital and was waiting trying to figure out what direction I was going to go with my health.  I met with my doctor and she felt that the medicine that we had discussed was not going to be an option for me.  She has recommended the surgery  She has stated that the J-Pouch Surgery was not an option for myself.  My body is just to severely infected, especially my rectum, yes I said rectum :)  I also have had issues even when my colon is doing well so at this point I will be meeting with a surgeon to have a total colectomy and having a permanent Ileostomy with a bag for the rest of my life.  I am nervous about this and know that this is just the beginning of this journey but I will keep everyone updated and share my thoughts as we travel on this road together.  Thank

My Rock!

My Rock!

They always say behind a great man is a great woman! I would say in my case there is no better statement.  My poor wife Censie has been put through the gamut over the past three years and yet she is always standing there smiling.  I cannot thank her enough for all of her continued support and love.

We knew when I got this diagnosis of Ulcerative Colitis that we were going to have a long road ahead of us but I don't think we knew how bumpy this road was going to be and how long it actually was.  We started this journey back in 2009 when I got my diagnosis.  She was there by my side while I did my first colonoscopy prep, she went and bought me a movie to watch, sadly we didn't know that I wasn't going to watch any of it.  She came with me and sat there by my side as we heard the diagnosis.

Censie has been with me to multiple doctor appointments and been there with me as I am told over and over again that we are trying a new medication and the possible side effects that it may have on me.  I have been on Prednisone for 2 1/2 years and gained 70lbs while on this medication.  It also increased my anxiety.  Now if you have ever met me in person you know that I am a anxious person in general but my Anxiety has just gotten worse.  It took a long time for me to admit how my anxiety and depression affected my family but Censie has always been there for me.  We have had our ups and downs and I am still learning about how it affects me but it is a work in progress. I have a history of shutting down when I get anxious and also always fear for the worst, which doesn't help my gut issues.

Censie has always supported me in the directions that I want to go and has never left me hanging by myself.  She has provided me with two beautiful children, thankfully they have their mom's good looks and hopefully they have their mom's colon as well and not mine.  She provides me with love and support and help in any endeavor that we face.  I have never been concerned about what is ahead of us because I know that I have her by my side. 

This month has a been a prime example of everything.  Three days before Teagan was born my "Papa" passed away, this was a huge hit on my emotions.  Teagan was then born and then the next week my parents were out here for a funeral, she did not complain she welcomed it with open arms.  Then she got sick and ended up having to have her gallbladder removed.  The days leading up to this she had my parents and grandmother out here for thanksgiving and then put on an awesome baptism for Teagan.  I then started feeling sick, as much as I tried to keep my body from doing it I just kept getting sicker and sicker.  I kept worrying about leaving her at home but she kept encouraging me to take care of myself.  She never was upset about me coming to the hosptial she just wants me to get better and does not want me worrying about what is going on.  She has always been there with a smile on her face encouraging me to get better. 

We know that we possibly have the decision about surgery coming up and she has stood beside me through everything and keeps me positive as I get down about myself.  I know that she will support me through everything and we will get past these hurdles that we have had. I know without her I would have already stumbled and failed but I am where I am at because of her!  I cannot thank her enough for her awesome support I hope that this is just a beginning in me continuing to tell her how much she means to me and how much I love her!  Thank you Censie!

Nominated for a Liebster!

I am so honored and humbled I was nominated for The Liebster Award by Photography by Beverly! What is a Liebster? Well, it's a shout out to blogs with less than 200 public followers, who are interesting...quirky...awesome to read.

 

 

The Rules 

- Each blogger that is nominated must post 11 things about themselves

- Answer the 11 questions that the blogger who nominated them asked

- Nominated blogger creates 11 new questions to ask the bloggers they nominate

- Choose 100 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate, link them in the post

- Notify the nominees of their award

- No tag backs!

And away...we go!

1. I just started blogging this year and am hoping that I can get my blog to grow and help others.
2. I am honored to be a father to my son Jude who is 2 1/2 and my daughter Teagan who is just over a month old.
3. I have been married to my wonderful and extremely supportive wife Censie for over 9 years, we will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary in August.
4. I am a huge sports nut, I enjoy watching almost any type of sport but Baseball is my favorite sport.  I am a huge Red Sox Fan.
5. Music is an essential part of my life and my daily routines.  I enjoy all types of music but classic rock is probably my favorite.  I am a huge Beatles fan if you can't tell by my son's name.
6. I started going to school to be a youth pastor but changed my mind and have been working as a social worker for the past 5 years. 
7. I am currently surviving a diagnosis of Ulcerative Colitis, this has resulted in three hospital stays in three years and now we are looking at possible surgery to cure this illness.
8. I have recently started getting back into making art and had an art show in August at a Denver Gallery, I have also opened an Etsy shop The Eccentric Mind. 
9. I love watching the Food Network and have a dream to be an awesome cook.
10. I have 11 tattoos and am in love with this type of body art, if I could have many more I would!
11.  I have been diagnosed with depression and moderate social anxiety, these are challenges that I also must face every day as a person, a husband, and a father.

Here are the questions that Shannon challenged me with!

1. What is your favourite holiday tradition? My favorite tradition is putting up our Christmas tree, it has been something Censie and I look forward to doing every year.  I am excited to start building more traditions with my family, taking Jude and Teagan to go see Santa is also amazing. 
2. What is your favourite movie from your childhood? This is a hard one for me!  I would have to say that my favorite move as a child was "Never Ending Story"
3. Do you have any pets? How many? What are their names? We have two cats Pun-kin and Sophie.
4. Do you consider yourself *green*? What do you do to be eco-friendly? I do as much as I can but it has been hard but we do as much as we can to recycle and not cause extra waste.
5. Do you love your home? I love my home immensely.  It is my favorite place to be because it is full of laughter and love. 
6. What is your go-to night-on-the-town outfit? Hmm I don't really get dressed up to go out but usually just a dress shirt and jeans.  Nothing special. 
7.  What is your favourite appetizer to serve guests? I don't really have guests over but I would say that chicken wings are the best to give to people.
8. If you could have a dream vacation, where would it be? For me my dream vacation would be taking my family to Disneyland or Disneyworld.  I have never been there so I am excited to share the excitement of going for the first time with my family.
9. Where did you go on your honeymoon?  Censie and I went to Meadow Creek Bed and Breakfast in Pine Colorado.  We have gone back several times after!
10. Do you believe in paying it forward? I do I think that we as humans should always step up and try to help out someone else that is not in our position. 
11. What was your first ever blogpost about? My first blog post was about an introduction to myself and about being a Daddy.


Whew this has taken a while!  Good thing I am just sitting in the hospital so I could complete this!

Here are my questions for my blogs that I am nominating!

1. What is your favorite Season of the year?
2. What is your favorite book?
3. Why did you start a blog?
4. What is the one thing that you can always go and do to relax?
5. Who is the most influential person in your life?
6.  What is your favorite type of food to eat?
7. If you were given one million dollars what is the first thing that you would do?
8. What was your first car? Did it have any special meaning?
9. Do you have any daily routines that you would consider to be weird?
10. Why is blogging important to you?
11. If you could have dinner with any person in history who would you have dinner with and why?

Want to know their answers? Go check them out!

1. http://theheartofahomemaker.blogspot.com/
2. http://ihaveulcerativecolitis.wordpress.com/
3. http://stolencolon.com/
4. http://mywifemykidsmydogs.blogspot.com/
5. http://www.idads.co.uk/
6. http://forcefamilyjourney.blogspot.com/
7. http://www.thecrazychaotichouse.blogspot.com/
8. http://www.bloodpooptears.com/
9. http://readbradthedad.com/
10. http://www.lifeonthesonnyside.com/
11. http://itsadomelife.com/

Whew!! I hope you made it this far, and if you did...two big thumbs up!

Waiting Sucks!

I Hate Waiting!

 

As I am writing this I am sitting here in my hospital bed waiting to be taken down for a Wonderful event.  They are doing another colonoscopy this morning.  This will make number 11 for me in three years.  They say that you do not have to do these until your 50 but I guess I should just consider myself lucky that I get to so many.

 

I am hoping that after doing this colonoscopy we will have some answers.  They are hoping to get in and see if my Ulcerative Colitis has become severely inflamed again.  If you have never had the pleasure of doing a Colonoscopy let me break it down for you! 

 

 

IT SUCKS!!!!!

 

Starting at 4pm yesterday I had to take two laxative pills, now this normally would be difficult for anyone but prior coming to the hospital I was in the bathroom 18 times a day so this just escalates everything so it is a joyous time.  Then you get to drink this wonderful  GoLYTELY and it is a salty solution that you have to drink 8 ounces every ten minutes.  I like to describe it as drinking the stomach flu because once it hits you are in trouble.  It is funny talking to people who have never had one done before and explaining it to them and then hearing their reactions afterwards.  I know that this is a necessary evil when dealing with IBD but I never imagined that at 31 this is where I would be.

Censie and I are going to have some serious decisions to make after this colonoscopy on if we should proceed with me having surgery or try a new medication that sounds pretty scary to me.  I was really hoping to get in and get this done with today early but I still have another two hours till I go down.  I have only had broth, lemon ice, and jello since yesterday at 10:30. So in about three hours if you are out there and want to sneak me in some good food I will be waiting! :)

Time for an Update

Time for an Update!

 

I was sitting her looking back at my blog and was thinking that it has been a while since I had written a blog post.  I know that this has been tough for those of you that are following my blog.

 

The last blog post that I wrote was a difficult one for me because it was about my grandfather's passing which still hits me hard every day.  I will find myself thinking about him and getting teary eyed because of the flow of emotions. 

 

Three days after my grandfather passed away I was blessed to welcome our daughter Teagan Evelyn into the world, I love the feeling of being a father.  It is something that I cannot put down into words that feeling of holding her for the first time.  I am so blessed to have two wonderful children in my life and one amazing wife! 

 

The week after Teagan was born my parents came out for the funeral, it was another wave of emotions going from being so happy about my daughter to having to deal with death again.  It was amazing hearing all the great stories about my Papa he was a quiet man but he had a profound impact on my life an who I am today. 

 

My parents then left and the next week Censie went into the emergency room because she wasn't feeling well and it was discovered that she had gall stones and that she was going to have to have her gall bladder out.  This was a shock to us as she had an attack a year ago but we were not told at that point about the gall stones.  We scheduled her surgery for after Thanksgiving so that she could enjoy the holidays, oh and a baptism, and then my parents coming out again.

We were blessed enough to have my parents and my grandma come out for Thanksgiving and the Baptism, Teagan's middle name is Evelyn from my grandma.  We were so thankful that they could come out for this time of celebration. 

While my parents were out here my body decided that we didn't have enough stress in life so a Ulcerative Colitis flair was in store.  I will be going into this into more detail later.  Censie had her surgery and it went well, I was a nervous nelly the entire time I am only used to being the sick one.  I now know what Censie has to go though every time I am sick.  I was able to help her as much as I could but then had to return back to work and then my body decided we were going to increase our flair. 

Needless to say this first six weeks of having Teagan at home has been a whirlwind but I am so thankful that I have a wonderful family to share this with.  I will be trying to blog a lot more and I appreciate any support from anyone.  I hope I can get this blog going and share my story with how I am doing at this point.  Thank you for sharing some time reading this. 



A Whirlwind of Emotions

WHY????

10/17/2012.  This has been a post that I have been trying to write since that date.  Sadly this is the day that that my Grandfather, or my "Papa" as he will always be in my heart passed away.  

Thankfully I was able to be present with him at his house with family and friends when he passed away.  This is something that was very hard for me but also something special for me to be there with him.  I know that he is no longer in pain and that he is at peace but as we know it is hard for the individuals left behind.

I went through my memories that day and I am continuously going through memories as we get closer to the funeral and with my family coming out.  I am very lucky to have been able to have my Papa with me for 31 years.  I remember going with him and my father to Baseball Card shows and he would always talk to me about the cards and help me pick out cards.   He always let us play with his little slot machine while we were at his house, I am lucky that he gave this to our family and it is now sitting in my house.  I remember when he would call the house when we had a baby sitter and they were freaked out because a robot was talking to him but that was just papa talking with his "talk box" that I called it due to having a stoma.  

I am very thankful that Jude got to meet him but am also saddened that he passed three days prior to Teagan being born.  I know that he is watching our family from heaven and I hope that he is proud.  

This is one of the pictures that I got of Jude playing with Papa.  This was after Papa had been sick but was still able to enjoy playing with Jude.  This picture will always hold a special place in my heart. I feel the tears coming up as I am writing this.  I got to see the smiles on both of their faces and see Jude get "buzzed" with the "talk box" he used to talk and remembered how it felt as a child to get buzzed by Papa.  

Papa will always remain in my heart and I will share stories about him with joy and happiness.  Every time I see poker chips, slot machines, sports cards and sadly the Raiders, I will think about my papa.  I am blessed to have had him in my life and I am glad to know that he is spending time with his dad up in Heaven and hope that he has found peace and joy.  I love you Papa!

Amazing Family Time!

I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY!!!!

I have to say I have had two amazing days these last two days.  Yesterday Censie and I decided that we wanted to take Jude to the zoo.  It was a little cooler but Jude loved it because the animals were up and moving around a lot more.  Jude did really good and he walked quite a bit and held onto my hand most of the time very well.  

Censie and I rode the train with Jude at the zoo.  He had a great time he loves the "choo-choo."  

It was a special day and I got to ride the Carousel with Jude.  He wanted to ride a cheetah, we had seen them earlier in the day.

Then since today is Columbus day I got to stay home with him and hang out with him for the day.  We slept in and then hung out and watched some of his shows.  

 Jude helped me make waffles this morning for breakfast in his pajamas, he had fun stirring the batter.  We then got dressed and played with toys and then we headed out to one of his favorite places, Chuck E. Cheese.  

Jude had fun dancing with the Big Chuck E. Cheese while we were there because they gave out free tickets to the kids dancing, he even got a hug from Chuck E. Cheese.

Jude had fun riding his rides and playing his games, he got to ride in a monster truck there today. 

He loves eating their pizza there, it is not great but it is good for lunch.  We ate our pizza and played more games he had a great time.  He was so tired he didn't make it home before he fell asleep.  It was such a great weekend.  I am so lucky that I get to be a dad to such a wonderful boy and a husband to such a wonderful woman.  We had a great time this weekend with him.  He makes me smile so much and knows how to make me smile and laugh,  Again I am one lucky man!!!

Sports and life

My prescription for success
is based on something my father always used to tell me:
You should never try to be better than someone else,
but you should never cease trying to be the best you can be.
-John Wooden

Many people know John Wooden to be a great coach but not many people know how devoted of a family man and husband he is.  John Wooden’s wife passed away in 1985 and every month on the 21^st of each month John Wooden visit her grave and then write her a love letter and put it on the pillow she used to use. 

I was thinking recently why is it that the majority of men use sports to connect with their children.  I am one of the first to admit that I love sharing my love of sports with my son Jude.  I am going to share my love of sports with our little girl coming soon as well.  I think that it can be used for many things in life. 

Let’s just take a quick look at this.  Sports typically, and I say typically, should show the necessity for team work.  They also show a level of having to follow rules and comply.  Now a days this hasn’t been something shown in the community but within the game you have to show respect for rules.  It also shows us that everyone has something different to offer. 

Now I am just a fan of sports in general, ask Censie I will watch a sporting game even though I don’t care who is playing!  I know all the women are out there sighing and rolling their eyes, but let me explain.  This was the biggest connection that I had to my father as a child.  I love my father greatly.  We are much closer now than when I was younger but we had a great connection through sports as a child.  Think about it we get to do something that we love as a “guy” and get to share it with our family.  I can have a great time going out and throwing a ball with Jude, we can have fun without having to go spend money or go anywhere.  It is funny even now if I call my dad and my grandfather I can guarantee you that sports will come up in some capacity of our conversations. 

To me it also taught me an appreciation for history.  I loved being able to display my grandfather’s glove while announcing our first child.  My great grandfather played semi-pro baseball.  I am not saying that we should push our children to be these great athletes, I have told Censie I don’t care what Jude does as long as he enjoys what he is doing and commits to it.  Shoot that could be dancing for all I care it has to be something that makes his hear happy.  My father loves watching Golf, it is not my first choice by my father enjoys it. 

As a father I know that sharing my love of something is easy with Jude and will be with our daughter as well because it is something that I love.  I hope that I can teach my children about the better things about sports and also encourage them to get out and get moving so that we can as a family enjoy that time together.  I know that every man is not going to agree with me but there are some good things with sports that I hope to share. 

 

I Have a "Boo Boo" in my Tummy

I have a "Boo Boo" in My Tummy!

Today is one of the days that it is so fun living with Ulcerative Colitis.  I had been having issues with my gut, it could be a little bit of stress, who would have thought that but I had to call my GI doctor.  I am trying to make sure that my body doesn't go into a full flair, that is not something that I need to put on my family right now or my own mental health.  This morning Jude kept asking me to eat breakfast with him but I had to tell him that I couldn't, something that is impossible to explain fully to a two year old.  The best way to explain it was that I had a "boo boo" in my tummy and that I had to go see a doctor.  He continues to lift up my shirt and check my "boo boo."

Three months after Jude was born I ended up spending seven days in the hospital due to an Ulcerative Colitis flair.  Luckily my doctor knows me super well so when I call her and tell her that I am having problems she gets me in right away.  I called her yesterday and she told me to come in for a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy.  Yeah if you haven't had one or a colonoscopy they are as much fun as they sound.  

Here I am sitting in the waiting room waiting to go in.  I had not eaten anything since 9pm on Monday so I was hungry by this point, and some lady was eating in the waiting room but oh well what can you do.  So they then took me back and got my IV all hooked up.  While they were talking to me they were asking when my last procedure done was.  I couldn't remember so we pulled up the history.  I had a colonoscopy in February and one in September of 2011.  It was kind of saddening knowing that I had three procedures done within a year.  I couldn't help but think of when my father called me asking me for advice on what to do during a colonoscopy prep, something that I shouldn't have to tell me dad about.  The Dr. completed the flexible sigmoidoscopy and we did get good news.  My colon is still showing mild signs of Colitis but definitely saw signs of healing.  I did get a talking to about my enemas, I am having to get over the mental block of having to do one every night but it is the best for me and my family so I have to get through it.  

Here I am recovering after the procedure.  It is always tiring even though I don't have to do much.  I am so thankful for my doctor for always providing me with support and help when it is needed.  She is aware of my family and she always helps us get through this illness as a unit.  I am thankful that we got the good news that we did so that I do not have to consider the surgical options that there are.  I know that this is a possibility eventually but my mind and my body are not there at this point.  I am thankful for my wife for taking me and always being there by my side and supporting me.  I am also thankful for my son who is always there with a smile and a hug!  We will beat this illness together!  

FAC

F. A. C

      It is called the Infamous Friday Afternoon Club.  This used to have a whole new meaning to me prior to being a parent.  I used to look forward to Friday nights because Censie and I usually had plans to go out with someone. 

Now that I am a parent this is why I look forward to Friday.

    I am a very lucky father because I get to work a half day and then go pick up Jude on Friday afternoons.  He is usually very excited to see me when I get to go pick him up because it is different.  This is a picture of Jude coming home from Grrmama's and Pa's house as he calls them.  He typically does not make it all the way home but that is ok with me.  I LOVE the time that I get to spend with him and I hope that it will be something special to him as he gets older. 

Today as typical we had to listen to "Yellow Submarine" and "Hey Jude" on our way home and he sang the whole way home then fell asleep.  This is an image that I love seeing as a father and it holds a special place in my heart.  I have to say even though I am not going out and "tearing up the town" I am even more excited to spend my Friday Afternoon Club with Jude.  I am one lucky daddy!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Hi my name is Jeremy and I'm a Daddy!

Hi I would like to get started with this blog by introducing myself.  My name is Jeremy I am 31 years old.  I have been married to my wonderful wife Censie for 9 years, she has an awesome blog herself I don’t think mine is going to compare but please check it out www.buildingourstory.com, I am also father to our wonderful son Jude and our daughter who is going to be here in a short time.  I love being a father it is truly an amazing joy day in and day out.  Now granted being a parent to a two year old in and of itself can be challenging having that hug, smile and I Love You at the end of the day makes it all worth it.  I am writing this blog about being a husband, father, brother, dealing with illness, Ulcerative Colitis, and Anxiety.  All of these describe me. 

            I think that there are a lot of blogs out there about mom’s and how to handle being a mother but there are not many about being a father.  I think it takes a special person to be able to talk about the challenges that we as men face with being a father and being an individual.  I know all you guys are thinking ok here comes the Kumbaya crap, well maybe you will consider it that but after being in counseling for my Anxiety for about 6 months at this point, get over it!  It is perfectly fine to talk about your feelings as a “Manly Man.”  I am hoping that this blog will help me connect with other dad’s out there and also help provide my insight to being a dad and dealing with daily challenges.

            I am not going to be serious all of the time but there will be some serious moments from time to time.  I am always open to suggestions about what I should talk about but I will probably always throw my own twist into things.  Some of the things will be hard for me to talk about and may not be socially appropriate.  You know dealing with Ulcerative colitis for three years has made me talk about things that most people would not.  I am hoping that people enjoy this blog and people will connect through it and hopefully it will help someone else.  Thank you and please stay tuned for things to come!