Life gets busy

Happy Holidays everyone! 

I have to say that sadly this blog gets neglected when life gets busy.  I was looking back at my previous posts and my last one was in May of 2016.  Since that time though my son has turned 6, my daughter has turned 4, both of them started school (My son is in kindergarten, my daughter is now in preschool), I started a new job as a quality assurance manager (this has taken up a ton of my time), we went to Disneyland with both sets of grandparents, and Jamaica with my amazing wife Censie!

It has been an amazing time but I often times find myself sitting down at night and starting to fall asleep around 9 or not having motivation.  It sucks because I have enjoyed my time blogging but sometimes lack that internal motivation to just write and share what is going on.  I am going to work on trying to get this up and running again, hopefully with my new love of computer coding I can share my interests with everyone.  

As I am sitting here writing this right now my son is sick and I am eyeball deep in his new found passion: Pokemon!  I had no knowledge of Pokemon until recently but he has found a love for it and a shared passion with his classmates.  As I type I am watching a small yellow creature named Pikachu shock Team Rocket from the sky.  I know that with Christmas coming up this next week that I am going to have to learn more and more about Pokemon.  

I have learned as a father that it is not up to me to determine their interests and passions but to embrace theirs and share mine with them. If we have the same interests that is AWESOME but if not I need to take the time to learn about theirs and not pigeon hole them into only learning one thing.  I have learned a lot about dance, gymnastics, and princess from my daughter, and now Pokemon from my son!  It is fun, but I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be watching Pokemon!  It goes to show you that you will do anything for your children!

I hope that everyone has a great Holiday season and Merry Christmas!  I hope to be back here many times in the upcoming year!  If you have any suggestions for posts I would appreciate any thoughts!

Success in the face of anxiety!

Anxiety!

According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America (http://www.adaa.org/) there are about 40 million adults in the United States living with anxiety.  I am one of those 40 Million and I am pretty sure that my son will be one of those as well.  Anxiety can be very mild but it can also be to the point where it consumes your entire being.  

I want to preface this post with the fact that my son has never formally been diagnosed with anxiety but he is only 5 years old.  That being said we know that I have been diagnosed with sever anxiety, this became fully apparent as I was dealing with my Ulcerative Colitis diagnosis and my ileostomy surgery.  Often times I see so much of myself in Jude and his behaviors.  The downfall to all of this is that you can see Jude getting anxious in many situations and that just sends my anxiety into a downward spiral as well and I am still learning to handle this.  

I was so proud of him this weekend and all of the things that he was able to accomplish despite his anxiety.  Jude has been in Tae Kwon Do for quite some time now and has been doing pretty well.  Just recently they moved him up to a more advanced class.  In this class he is the youngest one in his class, and this has been a struggle for him.  Also if you have ever met my son he likes to talk all the time, I know there are many parents who say this, but seriously the child never stops talking.  

This weekend he had to complete his first testing in his higher level class.  This made me anxious because its a TEST.  That word in and of itself causes anxiety.  The class went through all the pieces that he was going to be tested on and it was a lot of information.  They told us that he had to complete the first 14 moves of a form by himself.  This was something I was very concerned that he was not going to be able to complete.  He had to know the form as well as piece them together and complete them in sequence .  This also was going to be done in front of many other students and parents.  

We practiced many times and worked very hard.  Despite all the preparation you could see the anxiety building and it all came out on Friday.  I had been out on a business trip and when I returned I asked him if he wanted to practice because we had to make sure we were ready and out came the tears.  He was so nervous and anxious the only way he could express it was having multiple huge tantrums.  I honestly had my doubts and was worried that he wasn't going to move up.  

With all of that being said though we woke up Saturday morning and went to his testing.  We were one of the first ones there and did a couple of run-throughs and then came the moment that he was out there on the floor and he was in control of how everything went.  I was a wreck, I was nervous, and I was horribly anxious.  Jude however stepped up to the plate went out there and KILLED IT!  He went out with his class and stepped up to the challenge and completed every move.  I was so proud  of him.  I cannot express how excited I was to see him succeed.  He worked hard and was able to control his brain as we describe it and succeeded.  I hope that this is the first of many successes for him, however I know that all of his successes are going to come with many challenges but we will work through it and I know we will learn from each other.  There are many more celebratory Slurpees to come!

Here he is with his new belt and our Slurpee!  I am so proud of you Jude!

We had a great weekend!

I hope that everyone had a great weekend, I know we did.  It is exhausting sometimes doing all the running around that comes with being a family but it is so amazing as well. 

We had a busy weekend but it was great. We took the kiddos out for a treat on Friday night and saw The Peanuts movie Itwas great. The kids were dancing and laughing. It was pretty cool seeing them enjoy Snoopy and Charles Brown. These are classic characters but the kiddos thought they were great. I would definitely recomend it to anyone. 

Saturday Teagan had her dance class she is really enjoying it. She told me that she is going to be a ballerina. I wouldn't put anything past my little firecracker. We then went to Jude's Tae Kwon Do testing and belt ceremony. He got another new belt. He has been working hard in Tae Kwon Do and it is showing. He even got to break one of the testing boards with a side kick, I hope I got the terminology correct. He was so proud of what he has accomplished. 

I can't wait to see where he goes with this. 

Today Jude had to sing at church. It was so great seeing all the kids up there doing the motions and singing with pride. 

We then came home and proceeded to rake up the leaves and the kids ran and jumped in them. It was funny having to teach them how to play in the leaves some. They then also helped me pick up all the leaves. The got a little bit of money for helping their old man with picking all of the leaves up. They appeared to have fun so that is a win win I think. 

The kiddos then played in their playroom while I tried to watch football. It's always a challenge but they did great. Teagan kept running out wearing a new costume. Here she is as bat girl. 

Overall it was a busy weekend and I'm sitting here typing as I feel like I'm going to fall asleep, but it was great. I love spending time with my family and building all these great memories. What did you do this weekend?  I hope to hear from some of you on what things you did over the weekend. 

Up, Up and Away!

Jude's 4th Birthday is coming up and I am trying to figure out if this is a good birthday present that I want to get him.

I want to get him a model rocket kit!

I spent a ton of time as a child building these rockets and sending them to the sky and being amazed that I launched a rocket.  Jude is really into science and I think that this could be a fun thing to do with him and we have a huge park next to our house, a perfect launching spot.

I have looked into these and they say that they are meant for children ages 10 and up but I think that with me doing it with him it could be a fun learning experience for him.  What do you think?  Do you think that this is an appropriate gift for a 4 year old? 

Play Ball!

“Never allow the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game!”
― Babe Ruth

Yesterday was Opening Day for the 2014 Baseball Season.  Many people it was just another day and they do not care.  For those of us that are huge baseball fans it's the beginning of an up and down season.  It signifies to me the start of spring and the joyous thought that Summer is right around the corner.  Censie is not a huge baseball fan but she puts up with me watching the games.  I am one of those select few that can watch a baseball game from beginning to end on TV without getting board. 

Also this gets me excited to take Jude and Teagan out to Coors Field to watch a Rockies game. We will go and have hot dogs and maybe some popcorn and if the kiddos are good we often times get ice cream.  We don’t just get the cone of ice cream we get the ice cream in the baseball helmet is there any other way to eat ice cream at a baseball game?

Baseball has always been a big part of my life.  I grew up playing and loving the sport, it didn't come 100% naturally to me but then again nothing did when you were 13 years old and almost 6'0" tall but only weighed about 120 lbs, I was awkward to say the least but I still loved getting out and playing baseball.  I spent a lot of time at the little league because my dad was the President of the Little League so if I wanted to see my dad I was there.  I then also umpired as a job and got to help teach some of the younger kids about baseball. 

I grew up going to baseball games with my Father and Grandfather's.  At that time it was the Denver Zephyrs, a minor league team but still loved going.  We even went to a game for my birthday one year.  My silly sister tried to convince me that we were going to a Bronco's game but come on Heidi I knew the sports seasons!   I have a lot of great memories of playing and watching baseball and I know that it can teach you a lot of valuable lessons like neither a slump nor a streak can last forever.  Also anyone can be the hero on any given night. 

Jude is somewhat interested in baseball but does not want to watch the games with me on TV but he does like going to games.  Trust me if either one of them ask me to take them to a game you can guarantee I will be looking for a way to get tickets to the game.  I will not pass on a chance to go watch a game at a stadium.  I hope that this is something that I can share with my children as they get older but if not oh well I will always have my love for Baseball.  

My son likes Princesses you got a problem with that?

So Jude loves watching shows that one might consider a "girly" show or he likes reading books about Fairies and Princesses so what?  The other day we were at a birthday party and he could choose between having a pirate skull tattoo or a fairy tattoo and he chose Tinker Bell and I was right there beside him telling him how cool it was. 

Why is it that boys have to play with trucks and girls have to play with dolls?  I understand that some people believe that there are boy's toys and girl's toys but to this dad I could care less.  I just like to see my children using their imagination.  Jude often times want to play Fairies and say that he is one and I am down for playing Fairies because the imagination that kid has is amazing.

Why should I tell him No we can't do that because that is something girls do.  Or why should I tell my daughter do not play with that car here is a doll to go play with?  I want my children to be happy doing what they are doing and have fun playing I don’t care with what.  I found this good article through EverdayFamily please give it a read www.everydayfamily.com/gender-toys-does-it-really-matter/

I for one will be there doing my daughter's hair and dancing around with her.  If she wants to do daddy's hair when she gets older you bet I will be there.  If she wants to paint my nails I will do it!  If she wants to learn how to work on cars I will be there. I will encourage her to whatever she likes to do as well.  I will play fairies with my son!  I will read about Tinker Bell and the other Fairies and Pixies!  I will play Rocky Ball with son and play football!   I am committed to just being there and being with my children and playing with them.  I am proud of him and his imagination and I cannot wait to see where it takes him!  

Daddy why do you have a bag?

Dad you have a bag?  This is a question that I hear pretty frequently now a day from my son Jude!  He knows that I have an ileostomy and that I now wear a bag on my stomach.  He always asks why do you have a bag?  I have to explain to him that daddy was sick in his tummy but that this has made daddy feel better.  He then goes into to explain to me that I have poop in my bag.  I am glad he at least knows what is going on with itJ

 

These are the things that you have to deal with sometimes when you are an ostomate and a parent.  It has been a pretty large life change for the past 6 months.  I went in to the hospital on January 9^th for my surgery and I have been living with my "bag" ever since, and will be living with it for the rest of my life. 

 

Physically I have been feeling better up until recently.  My wound had healed to the point that I didn't have to go to the doctor daily anymore on May 16^th, but then in the first week of June I had problems with it. They just thought that it was something minor but I went in on the 12^th of July and the wound has reopened.  We are not sure why but I have to go in daily again to have a nurse pack the wound with dressing.  Let me tell you it is a BLAST!  Not only did this take a hit on my physically but I would say more so emotionally and mentally.  It is hard dealing with this wound that does not appear to be healing.  Overall though physically I am much better.  I am able to go out and do things with everyone without having to worry about being sick.  I do have to worry about bags coming off or leaking oh and the fun alien noises it makes but so far those have been far less common then when I was really sick and in a flair.  It is nice being able to plan to use the bathroom besides having to run to the bathroom while squeezing your butt cheeks together praying to all that is holy that you make it in time!

 

I am able to wrestle around with Jude but he knows that he has to be careful of my tummy because I have a bag.  It is an experience trying to potty train a little boy and living with an ostomy because things are done so much differently than how he does things.  He is just very curious about it but is not shy about telling people about my bag or wanting to see my bag in public, yeah that’s a fun one!

 

Mentally I feel that it has been harder than anything else.  If you have spent much time with me you know that I can be a little obsessive compulsive but I am constantly checking my back to make sure it is not leaking.  It can get annoying for others and for myself.  I also have not been dealing well with the self-esteem pieces. This will come and I know it and I am working with a counselor for it but it is a hard thing to deal with having a "shit bag" attached to your stomach every day.  There are days that I am angry at having to have it but I am trying to remain positive and remember that I am healthier with a bag than I was without one.  Overall the past six months have been an up and down roller coaster at times but I am glad that I can smile with Jude when he walks up and wants to see my bag or says why do you have a bag?  I want a bag too daddy! And I can smile at him and say I hope he doesn't but knowing that love makes it worth it!

Houston We Have a Problem!

AHHHHHH!!!!  We Have a Problem!

 

So many of you may find this to be an odd post but Houston We have a Problem.  JUDE LIKES TO EAT MUSTARD!

 

I'm talking about the kind of mustard that looks like a yellow crayon vomited on his hot dog!

 

 

You know you do everything you can to try and teach your child well and then they go and do something like this.  At least on his hot dog he also enjoyed it with Ketchup and Sweet Relish but I need advice! 

 

How do I handle a mustard lover?  My father was so proud but I am struggling with how do we connect.  I am anti-mustard will this have an impact on our future food bonding?  I mean what is next putting it on hamburgers or sandwich's?  What does a first mustard experience lead to?  There are so many questions I have about what to expect with a child who uses mustard?

 

If you can please send me any experience I would appreciate it! 

 

Ketchup lovers of the world unite!  

John, Paul, George and Ringo!

I am just going to go ahead and put it out there The Beatles are the best band ever!!!! 

 

The Beatles were formed in 1957 but even here in 2012 they play a huge role in my life and the band and music are things that I hold very close to my heart.  I remember listening to my father's old vinyl records and being complete enthralled with the music.  As soon as I was able to get him to change the radio station we would listen to "Breakfast with the Beatles" as we would drive to church on Sundays.  Now besides baseball this was something that I was able to have a close connection with my father with. 

 

So how much did the band play a role in my life at this point.  Our two year old son is Jude, and yes he is named after the song "Hey Jude."  The only time that someone thinks different is when talking to my old Pastor and he puts out that it is also one of the twelve apostles and is referred to as Jude the brother of Jesus.  Sure if he wants to go with that then who am I to step in but it is definitely from the song (Shh don't tell him, good thing he doesn't read my blog :)  I am very proud of this because it is something that we hold very close and we share together.   

 

If you have ever spent any time with me you know that I have a huge love for music.  I am constantly listening to music in my car, at work, and at home as much as I can.  I am a huge fan of classic rock and have shared this love of music with my son Jude.  It is something that we have been able to bond over and share a love for. 

 

My wife recently took Jude to a library reading time and they sang some classic child songs.  Now don't get me wrong they all are great and Jude does love doing the "Hokey Pokey" and also "Head, Shoulder. Knees and Toes" but he also loves listening to music with mommy and daddy.  Censie posted something on facebook questioning on whether or not we should be teaching him more kids songs or continuing to share or love of music with him. Most people agreed that we should continue to foster he love for all different types of music, YAY US!!!!! Now Jude is only two years old but today on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's he sang the first minute and a half of "Hey Jude" almost word for word.  My heart jumps for joy as I hear him singing in the back seat.  He knows that this is "His Song" as he says it.  Maybe someday I will tell him about the true story of the song. 

 

After partaking in "Hey Jude" we proceeded to listen/sing "Yellow Submarine".  Again my heart is just beaming with joy that we can share this time together.  I am glad that Jude enjoys music and has already started picking up the melody and the differences in the music as well.  I feel that there is a complexity in The Beatles music with all their different styles and sounds.  Jude also at this point can tell you who is in The Beatles and what instrument they play.  He will assign you instruments to play while singing the songs with him,.  He likes to play the guitar and piano, he really likes playing the piano with his grandma.  I am so thankful that he enjoys music, I am not going to force what music he has to listen to but I do want him to enjoy music.  I feel that listening to music is a great stress relief and provides individuals with a deep connection with something. 

 

So maybe I am not teaching him all the traditional child songs, I will be working on that so that he does feel like he knows those songs but will continue to foster the love for music within him.  I feel that there is nothing wrong with it, at least it isn't country music right?  

Sports and life

My prescription for success
is based on something my father always used to tell me:
You should never try to be better than someone else,
but you should never cease trying to be the best you can be.
-John Wooden

Many people know John Wooden to be a great coach but not many people know how devoted of a family man and husband he is.  John Wooden’s wife passed away in 1985 and every month on the 21^st of each month John Wooden visit her grave and then write her a love letter and put it on the pillow she used to use. 

I was thinking recently why is it that the majority of men use sports to connect with their children.  I am one of the first to admit that I love sharing my love of sports with my son Jude.  I am going to share my love of sports with our little girl coming soon as well.  I think that it can be used for many things in life. 

Let’s just take a quick look at this.  Sports typically, and I say typically, should show the necessity for team work.  They also show a level of having to follow rules and comply.  Now a days this hasn’t been something shown in the community but within the game you have to show respect for rules.  It also shows us that everyone has something different to offer. 

Now I am just a fan of sports in general, ask Censie I will watch a sporting game even though I don’t care who is playing!  I know all the women are out there sighing and rolling their eyes, but let me explain.  This was the biggest connection that I had to my father as a child.  I love my father greatly.  We are much closer now than when I was younger but we had a great connection through sports as a child.  Think about it we get to do something that we love as a “guy” and get to share it with our family.  I can have a great time going out and throwing a ball with Jude, we can have fun without having to go spend money or go anywhere.  It is funny even now if I call my dad and my grandfather I can guarantee you that sports will come up in some capacity of our conversations. 

To me it also taught me an appreciation for history.  I loved being able to display my grandfather’s glove while announcing our first child.  My great grandfather played semi-pro baseball.  I am not saying that we should push our children to be these great athletes, I have told Censie I don’t care what Jude does as long as he enjoys what he is doing and commits to it.  Shoot that could be dancing for all I care it has to be something that makes his hear happy.  My father loves watching Golf, it is not my first choice by my father enjoys it. 

As a father I know that sharing my love of something is easy with Jude and will be with our daughter as well because it is something that I love.  I hope that I can teach my children about the better things about sports and also encourage them to get out and get moving so that we can as a family enjoy that time together.  I know that every man is not going to agree with me but there are some good things with sports that I hope to share. 

 

I Have a "Boo Boo" in my Tummy

I have a "Boo Boo" in My Tummy!

Today is one of the days that it is so fun living with Ulcerative Colitis.  I had been having issues with my gut, it could be a little bit of stress, who would have thought that but I had to call my GI doctor.  I am trying to make sure that my body doesn't go into a full flair, that is not something that I need to put on my family right now or my own mental health.  This morning Jude kept asking me to eat breakfast with him but I had to tell him that I couldn't, something that is impossible to explain fully to a two year old.  The best way to explain it was that I had a "boo boo" in my tummy and that I had to go see a doctor.  He continues to lift up my shirt and check my "boo boo."

Three months after Jude was born I ended up spending seven days in the hospital due to an Ulcerative Colitis flair.  Luckily my doctor knows me super well so when I call her and tell her that I am having problems she gets me in right away.  I called her yesterday and she told me to come in for a Flexible Sigmoidoscopy.  Yeah if you haven't had one or a colonoscopy they are as much fun as they sound.  

Here I am sitting in the waiting room waiting to go in.  I had not eaten anything since 9pm on Monday so I was hungry by this point, and some lady was eating in the waiting room but oh well what can you do.  So they then took me back and got my IV all hooked up.  While they were talking to me they were asking when my last procedure done was.  I couldn't remember so we pulled up the history.  I had a colonoscopy in February and one in September of 2011.  It was kind of saddening knowing that I had three procedures done within a year.  I couldn't help but think of when my father called me asking me for advice on what to do during a colonoscopy prep, something that I shouldn't have to tell me dad about.  The Dr. completed the flexible sigmoidoscopy and we did get good news.  My colon is still showing mild signs of Colitis but definitely saw signs of healing.  I did get a talking to about my enemas, I am having to get over the mental block of having to do one every night but it is the best for me and my family so I have to get through it.  

Here I am recovering after the procedure.  It is always tiring even though I don't have to do much.  I am so thankful for my doctor for always providing me with support and help when it is needed.  She is aware of my family and she always helps us get through this illness as a unit.  I am thankful that we got the good news that we did so that I do not have to consider the surgical options that there are.  I know that this is a possibility eventually but my mind and my body are not there at this point.  I am thankful for my wife for taking me and always being there by my side and supporting me.  I am also thankful for my son who is always there with a smile and a hug!  We will beat this illness together!  

FAC

F. A. C

      It is called the Infamous Friday Afternoon Club.  This used to have a whole new meaning to me prior to being a parent.  I used to look forward to Friday nights because Censie and I usually had plans to go out with someone. 

Now that I am a parent this is why I look forward to Friday.

    I am a very lucky father because I get to work a half day and then go pick up Jude on Friday afternoons.  He is usually very excited to see me when I get to go pick him up because it is different.  This is a picture of Jude coming home from Grrmama's and Pa's house as he calls them.  He typically does not make it all the way home but that is ok with me.  I LOVE the time that I get to spend with him and I hope that it will be something special to him as he gets older. 

Today as typical we had to listen to "Yellow Submarine" and "Hey Jude" on our way home and he sang the whole way home then fell asleep.  This is an image that I love seeing as a father and it holds a special place in my heart.  I have to say even though I am not going out and "tearing up the town" I am even more excited to spend my Friday Afternoon Club with Jude.  I am one lucky daddy!  Have a great weekend everyone!