Third time's the charm!

So I know that I have tried this before but I am going to try and get my blog up and running again. I have been very busy with my new job and the family,  but I have a strong desire to have this blog be read by others and share my experiences as a husband, father and as a person. 

Everyone in this world has a story and has something to share and this is my attempt to share a part of who I am. My amazing wife Censie has had an amazing blog for quite some time now so I have a great coach on how to do this but just have to put forth the effort. 

This blog started while I was dealing with an Inflmatory Bowel Disease known as Ulcerative Colitis. This still continues to be a huge part of my life but since my ostomy surgery I have tried to make it a smaller part of my life than it has been. 

Here is a little about me for those of you who do not know me. I love being a father and daddy. It is amazing, I never thought I could feel this way and that I would love this role in my life so much. They challenge me on a daily basis but I love them and would do anything for them.

I have been married to Censie for twelve years, I know I can't believe that she has put up with me for that long either. I am the luckiest man because she chose to be with me and I am so thankful for that. 

I am a huge sports freak. I love watching sports and pretty much anything to do with sports. I am a huge Red Sox fan and a Broncos fan, although I don't get to watch many sports any more because I am usually watching kids shows like "Miles from Tomorrowland " with the kiddos.  

As you can tell I am also a huge music lover, especially classic rock!  I am working on building my vinyl music collection and working to teach my kids about great music, but despite my best efforts they also love listening to pop music. 

I look forward to sharing more experiences and stories with everyone!

Am I Less of a Man?

I found this Meme online the other day and it struck me.

Some is going to have to tell Censie that she has a girlfriend!!!!!

That is right I am almost 33 years old and I have never fired a gun.  I have shot a paintball gun, a pellet gun, a BB gun and an airsoft gun but I have never fired a actual gun before. I have had detectives and law enforcement officers that I work with give me a hard time and tell me that I need to go and learn and that I should get my carry and conceal permit due to the line of work I am in but I don't know to actually shoot a gun.

Does this make me less of a man than someone who has shot a gun?  Am I a woman because I haven't fired a firearm before?  

Please tell me why you have to fire a gun to be a man?  There are many times that I feel very manly but none of them ever have to do with shooting a firearm.  My father was not a hunter we fished.  My grandfather was a hunter and he said that he was going to take me Pheasant hunting but he died before that ever happened.  Censie's grandpa had firearms in his house being on a ranch but when I met him I never went shooting with him or saw him shoot.  I know that he knew how to and still did it wasn't something that we did together though.

I feel that my family was one of those families who were never really into guns and we didn't have avid hunters in our family so it wasn't something that we did together.  I also at this point do not have the desire to learn how to field dress a dead animal, I can clean the guts out of a fish but that is as far I want to go.  I do not like this opinion that you are less of a man if you do not own a gun.  So should I start prepping Jude that he doesn't have a real man as a father because I do not own a gun or know how to shoot a gun?

I have thought about taking gun safety classes and learning some about them as Jude is getting older he does have a fascination with guns, this is a typical boy thing but I have not decided yet.  I know that family members do have guns and have talked to them about when Jude comes over that they need to be locked up and put away so that the children do not have access to them.  This is family though what about friends?  I guess I will be okay knowing that I am considered by some as a woman because I have not fired a gun before.  

Daughter

Daughter are angels sent from above to fill our heart with unending love. -- J. Lee

Everyone tells you that when you are dad and you have a daughter that they will have you wrapped around their little finger quicker than you ever think.  I am here to confess this little girl has me wrapped around her finger and am a sucker for her smile!  I love being a dad to a son and I love being a dad to a daughter.  It is the most amazing feeling I think that I can ever experience.

If you have ever spent any time with Teagan you know that she is a Firecracker in all senses of the word.  She is very independent and has a troublesome side to her!  I think that she is going to make me go grey very quickly, and you add Jude on that I am hoping to still have hair by the end of the year.  This girl though can also melt my heart at every single little Daddy and Please that she tells me.  She is my little cuddle buddy and we do a lot together.  I enjoy all these little moments that I get to have with her and cannot imagine missing out on any of them.

(Yes that is me doing pigtails in her hair)

I hope that all of these special moments that we have shared together and continue to share together will hold a special place in her heart forever.  

Bucket List Yes or No?

Have you seen this story?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/28/kristina-chesterman-donor-bucket-list_n_5051978.html

This story is about a 64 year old woman who received a new heart from an organ donor and now has been in contact with the donor's family.  The organ donor had a bucket list and now the recipient is stating that she is going to finish out her list so that even though the organ donor couldn't her heart will.

This got me thinking I don't have a bucket list.  Do you have one?  What are some of the things that you have on yours?  I will be thinking about doing one and may be posting my bucket list shortly.  I know that this has you on the edge of your seat.  I can't wait to hear all your thoughts and ideas!

Jeremy

Absent!

Yes I am back again and I know that I have been absent for quite some time again.  I really want to keep up with this blog and make sure that it is useful as well I just keep letting life get ahead of me.  This last year has been very rough for my healing and health.  I had my proctocolectomy in January 2013 and have had multiple surgeries since that point.  We had a muscle flap surgery done in December 2013 to hopefully heal the wound but it has not closed completely yet.

I am at about 14 months at this point with an open wound from my Proctocolectomy.  It is hard for me mentally and I continue to struggle daily with this.  Not only for the last month have I been dealing with the open wound but I also have been dealing with packing the wound daily by myself.  Now I could go in and have it done again daily like last year but we know how hard that was financially so we thought we would try it this way.  I am thankful that we are not paying for a visit every day but it is hard mentally for me.

I really would like for this blog to be something that individuals enjoy reading and that I can support other fathers, and other individuals with IBD.  Now I am also part of the Ostomate community so that adds another area where I want this blog to go to.  I will be working on committing more to making sure that blog posts getup and are meaningful. Do you have any suggestions on what you would like me to write about?  I appreciate every one's support and you will be seeing more of me.  

Daddy why do you have a bag?

Dad you have a bag?  This is a question that I hear pretty frequently now a day from my son Jude!  He knows that I have an ileostomy and that I now wear a bag on my stomach.  He always asks why do you have a bag?  I have to explain to him that daddy was sick in his tummy but that this has made daddy feel better.  He then goes into to explain to me that I have poop in my bag.  I am glad he at least knows what is going on with itJ

 

These are the things that you have to deal with sometimes when you are an ostomate and a parent.  It has been a pretty large life change for the past 6 months.  I went in to the hospital on January 9^th for my surgery and I have been living with my "bag" ever since, and will be living with it for the rest of my life. 

 

Physically I have been feeling better up until recently.  My wound had healed to the point that I didn't have to go to the doctor daily anymore on May 16^th, but then in the first week of June I had problems with it. They just thought that it was something minor but I went in on the 12^th of July and the wound has reopened.  We are not sure why but I have to go in daily again to have a nurse pack the wound with dressing.  Let me tell you it is a BLAST!  Not only did this take a hit on my physically but I would say more so emotionally and mentally.  It is hard dealing with this wound that does not appear to be healing.  Overall though physically I am much better.  I am able to go out and do things with everyone without having to worry about being sick.  I do have to worry about bags coming off or leaking oh and the fun alien noises it makes but so far those have been far less common then when I was really sick and in a flair.  It is nice being able to plan to use the bathroom besides having to run to the bathroom while squeezing your butt cheeks together praying to all that is holy that you make it in time!

 

I am able to wrestle around with Jude but he knows that he has to be careful of my tummy because I have a bag.  It is an experience trying to potty train a little boy and living with an ostomy because things are done so much differently than how he does things.  He is just very curious about it but is not shy about telling people about my bag or wanting to see my bag in public, yeah that’s a fun one!

 

Mentally I feel that it has been harder than anything else.  If you have spent much time with me you know that I can be a little obsessive compulsive but I am constantly checking my back to make sure it is not leaking.  It can get annoying for others and for myself.  I also have not been dealing well with the self-esteem pieces. This will come and I know it and I am working with a counselor for it but it is a hard thing to deal with having a "shit bag" attached to your stomach every day.  There are days that I am angry at having to have it but I am trying to remain positive and remember that I am healthier with a bag than I was without one.  Overall the past six months have been an up and down roller coaster at times but I am glad that I can smile with Jude when he walks up and wants to see my bag or says why do you have a bag?  I want a bag too daddy! And I can smile at him and say I hope he doesn't but knowing that love makes it worth it!