I Am Scared!!!

I must admit at this point I am scared! 

 

 

 

Today is Monday January 7th, and on Wednesday January 9th I will be going in for a total proctocolectomy.  This is a major surgery, I have been told that the surgery will last about 6 to 7 hours. 

 

I am very excited to be able to get my life back and no longer deal with Ulcerative Colitis.  I am ready to start healing and moving forward but I am scared about the surgery.  This is going to be a major life change and I know it is going to be a difficult road ahead but I just need to get through the surgery.

 

I will be keeping everyone up to date from the hospital after I am done, they are telling me that I am going to be in the hospital for 7-10 days.  I will have my computer there with me because I am going to need some connection to the outside world.  I will be providing all of my IBD companions about the surgery and the recover from beginning to end so that if someone else is going through the surgery hopefully I can answer some questions.  I know that all the information that I have read on line helped me so much, so I am hoping to return the favor to someone else. 

 

Thank you again for everyone who has supported IBD, Daddy and Me! as we have gone through this journey together.  Thank you again!

Jeremy

SOL REPULIC Headphones Giveaway!

So I get the pleasure to be part of this AMAZING giveaway along with several other Daddy Blogs that I have gotten to know over the past couple of months.  Please make sure to check out all of the amazing blogs and please follow all of us and support all of us in this amazing journey  Thank you!

SOL REPUBLIC is giving away a great pair of headphones, valued from $99.99 to $179.99 (winner gets to choose). The headphones feature interchangeable pieces, a remote and microphone, deeper bass, higher clarity and crisp vocals. SOL REPUBLIC headphones now also feature a growing list of college sports team, as well as special edition headphones, like the ones inspired by Michael Phelps. This set was also used by Phelps during the Olympics.

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I joined a few other bloggers for this giveaway, all members of our new, growing Facebook group of blogging dads. You can read about the group here, or--if you're a dad with a blog--just head over to Facebook and click JOIN GROUP.

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2013 Where to Go From Here?

Goals for 2013?!?!?

 

I have never been one to do New Year's Resolutions because I have never fully completed them so I am hoping that I can just complete these goals for this year.  I have had a lot of time these last couple of days sitting here to think about them :)

 

1. My goal is to be healthier this year.  I have had a lot of health issues over the past several years but with surgery happening on January 9th I am hoping to be able to move forward.  I put on 70lbs since being on prednisone and with this surgery I will be able to get off this drug.  I am also hoping that I will be able to work out more and be more active without having to worry about my illness. 

 

2. I am hoping to be a more present and active father and husband.  This also goes along with number one but when I am sick I am not able to do the things with my family that I want because of fear of being sick.  I want to be outside playing with my children and family as much as possible and make sure that they have a good time spending time with me.  I want my children and wife to know every day that I love them and how lucky I am to have them in my life.

 

3. I want to be more of an advocate for Ulcerative Colitis and now having an Ostomy.  I have told my close friends and family about this illness and how it affects me but I would like to be able to help others who are going through this illness.  It can have a huge impact on the individual but also the family, just ask Censie, I know she is done with this illness as well.  I think that we often times do not talk about this illness because of what we have to talk about but we have to spread the awareness of it so that is more accepted and understood.

 

4.  I want to read more.  I have a Kindle and have started reading again while in the hospital and I really want to keep reading more.  I want my children to share in the love of reading, Jude already loves books but this was something that I didn't do enough as a child.  I want them to see that it is important and enjoy a good book!

 

5.  I want to gain control of my anxiety and depression.  This has been something that has been a challenge for me.  I am seeing a therapist about it but I need to be able to gain person control of it.  I continue to worry about everything and beat myself up about things.  Also when this happens I shut down, right Censie?  I need to be better about understanding it and managing it so that I control it and it does not control me. 

 

6. I want to try and do more things that I want to do.  I want to start playing my guitar more, it takes practice but I never play it but really want to be able to play the guitar more.  I also want to start cooking more. This is something that I enjoy and I do have a interest in I just never do it or never try anything.  I want to try and commit to doing these things more often

Well this is my start to what I want go accomplish in 2013 and I hope to continue to add more and cross some things off as well.  Most importantly I want this year to be about my family and enjoying spending time with each other every day and knowing that we love each other fully each and every day as well.  Good luck to everyone else in 2013.

 

 

 

 



2012 What A Year!

2012 You Win!

 

I have been sitting here for the past couple of days thinking about how do I write a creative post for my first review of a past year  I have read over many blogs and have seen how many people have done their review, but I want to try and be somewhat original in my post.  I am still working on trying to find my blogging voice as many have said but I just started this blog fully a couple of months ago so I think that it will be coming so watch out!

 

 

This year has definitely been filled with its ups and downs.  We found out earlier this year that we were expecting our second child, as you know this was a huge point of excitement for Censie and I.  The pregnancy was not easy by any means but we welcomed Teagan on 10/20/12 and she is a beauty.  I consider myself very blessed to be the father to two wonderful children.  Now next years blog could be about the challenges of having two children and all that those things mean.

 

Jude had a good year, even had his first broken bone.  Have to love how kids want to put their fingers in doors.   The way that Jude is I have a feeling that we will probably be at the doctors for these types of things in the past.  He is pure boy and likes to be rough and tumble.  We celebrate his second birthday with a train themed birthday party, he loves his "Choo-Choos".  We were lucky enough to have my parents come out for the birthday party and Jude loved having both of his Grrrrmama's and Pa's at his birthday party.

 

Sadly we lost my Papa three days before Teagan was born.  This was a difficult and trying time for me. I was very saddened by the lost of my Papa but then also taking in the excitement of my daughter being born.  We knew that he had been sick for quite some time, but as everyone knows it does not make the passing any easier.  I continue to miss him and wish that he could have been here longer but know that he is watching over my family and I an is no longer in pain.

 

The last couple of months of this year as you can tell kicked our family's butt.  We had the death, the birth, the funeral, then Censie got sick and needed surgery, then I got sick and ended up in the hospital.  Censie's surgery went well and she was able to recover but during that time my Ulcerative Colitis flared up and I ended up in the hospital again.  We decided to move forward with the surgery option at this point for my Ulcerative Colitis and had a plan and were hoping to make it through the Holidays.  We made it to the 27th and then I ended up in the hospital again that is where this great post is being written from. 

 

This year has been very tough for health but the good news is that it seems like we will be starting 2013 moving forward.  I will be having a total proctocolectemy on January 9th.  Now I know that this is going to have its challenges because I will have a permanent Ostomy, a "Crap" bag as Censie calls it.  I am ready for these challenges and am ready to be healing and not just trying to maintain without any success.  This illness has run my life for the last three years and I am ready to grab life back and take it and run.

 

I am so excited for this upcoming year of hopefully good health and being able to have a life again.  Censie and I will be celebrating our 10 year anniversary this year, it is amazing!  We are trying to find something special to do.  I am hoping that we will be able to go up to the mountains more this summer with the family so that I can go fishing with Jude and teach him about my love of fishing.  I am excited to see my family grow and the children grow upand be more active with us.  I have a lot to smile about despite some of the low points of this year.  I hope that everyone has an amazing new year and a great 2013!!

 

 

 



Seriously?!?!?!?!?!

DAMN YOU ULCERATIVE COLITIS!!!!

 

So I made it out of the hospital through Christmas!  I was able to be there in the morning and see Jude's face as he opened his presents and then the awe and wonder of Santa and his fish tank.  I am thankful for that moment.  Sadly though I didn't make it long past that.

 

We were able to go get more fish for his fish tank last night, you know Santa told me he could go get more fish, and we got them all set up and they are doing well.  However 20 days after being discharged from the hospital I am back here again.  I had been struggling off and on since being discharged but was looking forward to having my surgery consult on the 2nd.  I started bleeding again and having a lot of urgency, which led to me having two accidents.  Yes that is where we are at, I have no control of my body which sucks ass literally! 

 

They told me that they felt that it was the best idea for me to come in to the Emergency Room so I did and now am admitted to the hospital again.  We are talking in the morning about the surgery and what we are going to do.  The scary things for me is I am afraid to be discharged again because I don't know how long I am going to make it through.  I just don't know but hopefully we can come up with a plan because I cannot live like this.  Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!  I will keep everyone updated!

John, Paul, George and Ringo!

I am just going to go ahead and put it out there The Beatles are the best band ever!!!! 

 

The Beatles were formed in 1957 but even here in 2012 they play a huge role in my life and the band and music are things that I hold very close to my heart.  I remember listening to my father's old vinyl records and being complete enthralled with the music.  As soon as I was able to get him to change the radio station we would listen to "Breakfast with the Beatles" as we would drive to church on Sundays.  Now besides baseball this was something that I was able to have a close connection with my father with. 

 

So how much did the band play a role in my life at this point.  Our two year old son is Jude, and yes he is named after the song "Hey Jude."  The only time that someone thinks different is when talking to my old Pastor and he puts out that it is also one of the twelve apostles and is referred to as Jude the brother of Jesus.  Sure if he wants to go with that then who am I to step in but it is definitely from the song (Shh don't tell him, good thing he doesn't read my blog :)  I am very proud of this because it is something that we hold very close and we share together.   

 

If you have ever spent any time with me you know that I have a huge love for music.  I am constantly listening to music in my car, at work, and at home as much as I can.  I am a huge fan of classic rock and have shared this love of music with my son Jude.  It is something that we have been able to bond over and share a love for. 

 

My wife recently took Jude to a library reading time and they sang some classic child songs.  Now don't get me wrong they all are great and Jude does love doing the "Hokey Pokey" and also "Head, Shoulder. Knees and Toes" but he also loves listening to music with mommy and daddy.  Censie posted something on facebook questioning on whether or not we should be teaching him more kids songs or continuing to share or love of music with him. Most people agreed that we should continue to foster he love for all different types of music, YAY US!!!!! Now Jude is only two years old but today on the way home from Grandma and Grandpa's he sang the first minute and a half of "Hey Jude" almost word for word.  My heart jumps for joy as I hear him singing in the back seat.  He knows that this is "His Song" as he says it.  Maybe someday I will tell him about the true story of the song. 

 

After partaking in "Hey Jude" we proceeded to listen/sing "Yellow Submarine".  Again my heart is just beaming with joy that we can share this time together.  I am glad that Jude enjoys music and has already started picking up the melody and the differences in the music as well.  I feel that there is a complexity in The Beatles music with all their different styles and sounds.  Jude also at this point can tell you who is in The Beatles and what instrument they play.  He will assign you instruments to play while singing the songs with him,.  He likes to play the guitar and piano, he really likes playing the piano with his grandma.  I am so thankful that he enjoys music, I am not going to force what music he has to listen to but I do want him to enjoy music.  I feel that listening to music is a great stress relief and provides individuals with a deep connection with something. 

 

So maybe I am not teaching him all the traditional child songs, I will be working on that so that he does feel like he knows those songs but will continue to foster the love for music within him.  I feel that there is nothing wrong with it, at least it isn't country music right?  

You Know You're a Parent When.......

You know you're a parent when...

you voluntarily will put your hands out to catch another person's vomit!  I never thought that this would be something that I would ever do, nor did I ever have the desire to do. 

Last night after we had a fun time at Zoo Lights we went to go eat and Jude got sick while we were eating. He has done this before but he was able to start feeling better, or so he told us, and we made the mistake of allowing him to eat more.  Now Censie had been sick all Saturday with a stomach bug but we did not think that Jude was sick.  He ate some food and we left.

On our way home he started complaining that his stomach hurt.  I found a place to pull over but then he said that he was feeling better. We got going again trying to make it home as soon as possible, you know trying to prevent the puking in the car fiasco.  We made it about five more minutes and he said that his stomach hurt again. I pulled over and got a paper bag and tried to get him to aim in the bag.  FYI a paper bag and vomit do not work well seeing how vomit is mostly water!! 

Jude ended up getting sick and without any other options I cupped my hands and tried to catch as much of the vomit in my hands to prevent it from getting on him.  It was a pretty useless attempt but I do have to say it was an attempt to help out.  This again is something that I never thought I would do but as a parent sometimes you just have to open your hands and let your child vomit!  I guess I got my initiation into dealing with a sick toddler as well!